well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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