ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Are we still banned from the library?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
