none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
