Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
