you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
