i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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