Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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