dude i'm inner monologue high
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
