i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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