We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
