We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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