She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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