put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
