I cannot find my penis.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
