He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have already put on my inside pants.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
