HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize