Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
