so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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