making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
