Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
