I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
