I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize