Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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