I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
