Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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