i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize