guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
