New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
