mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
