dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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