dude i'm inner monologue high
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
ttyl tear gas
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
