Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
