I'm drive I can fine osifer
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Randomize
