I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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