if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
