Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
