i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
