The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
