When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
