just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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