I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
