2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
