you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
a search helicopter?!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
