if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
