Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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