I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
