Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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