Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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