Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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