The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
