I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
