i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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