so explain again why im purple
no
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
