i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
