I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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