I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
