For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
