I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
