We're like a lot better than the average bears
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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