how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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