why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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