and she was petting her beer can
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
