lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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