Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
