She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
