Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
