question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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