Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You left your phone here
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