you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize