I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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