I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
