Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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