I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
