Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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