I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
