So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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