i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
