College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
