We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
